On The Job Training for Dads: Lesson 1

This was a series of "lessons" that I wrote while learning to be a single father. Less of a "self-help" thing and more a comedic pep talk to myself! It was a fun little project and one I may pick up again. After all, I'm still a dad!

Lesson 1:  Man up.

“Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.” - General George Patton

So you’re a new dad! Congratulations! Welcome to the most maddening puzzle-solving experiment nature ever conjured. Designed for failure, the Dad-yrinth is a lifelong committed battle to raise, educate, and foster imagination in a tiny human whose only goal is to break you. And make no mistake, break you they will. But you’re a dad. You won’t go quietly into that good night! Rage, rage into pony tales, construction paper, cartoons, and Band-Aids. Not unlike Liam Nelson, you too have a particular set of skills and you will need them. She doesn’t care that you can’t sew. She’s wearing the torn dress today and unless you want daycare to think she’s rabid you might want to start “engineering” a fix. Welcome to fatherhood. Now stop crying and let’s get it done! Let’s put that newly acquired acceptance of your fate to the task. The longest journey begins with the first step so here’s our first, codifying the ground rules. 

Know when to give up. Sometimes it's better to call in the grandmothers than to have your little girl go without. There is no shame in admitting defeat, calling in the airstrike, and living to fight another day. The key is to know when to throw the towel in and when to battle on. Use all the tools you have and know that calling for help is one of those tools. 

No one knows it all. Not me and let's face it, definitely not you. You didn't become a father when your child was born. You become a father when you accepted the challenges of being a dad and decided to take up arms for an active role in your child’s life. This is an admirable trait. A father’s greatest folly, but admirable. 

This will be a challenge. You will be tired, sad, frustrated, tired, angry, confused, tired, completely pissed because you’re late for church and she wants to change her bow again, and in case I didn’t mention it, tired. But you will soldier on because we are dads and dads get it done no matter what. Suck it up and drive on. Hoorah!

Learn. If you cannot listen, you cannot learn but be wary of who or what you are listening to. Do not make the rookie mistake of following your ego and not the advice of those who went before you. Men are very good at solving problems and very bad at sharing the knowledge gained. But when you do find a veteran father who has weathered the storm, take the advice. Incidentally, I think the old-timers had a rule about not talking about dad club so cut them some slack. 

Your skills are valid. You cannot sew but you can change a tire. You've acquired a set of skills growing up that can be applied to other fields of study. Women are masters of nurture. Men are akin to solving problems and this is just another problem that you can solve. Sometimes with duct-tape other times hugs. By the way, hugs are the duct-tape of uncomfortably sticky emotional situations. When in doubt hug your child. Emphasis on “your child”, otherwise someone might call the cops.

Have fun. Having fun will not be easy at first. It will become easier every time you see your tiny human smile, come to you for comfort, or want to hang out randomly. Kids will teach you more about yourself than you will ever teach them. Unless you’re Neil Degrasse Tyson. By the way, if you’re reading this, you are no “NDT”. Stop fooling yourself. On the other hand, he’s not you. The force is strong with you. Even if you don’t know it. Skeptical? The next time she accidentally hurts herself make note of who she cries for.

So… feeling any better about your newly acquired responsibilities? Me either. Let’s get to work.